The fury of a breath.

I can't escape this breath. I'm caught in a web of lonely air, it's pulling on my insides closing my lungs. I lay here gasping for breath, for life. I can't feel or know. I'm stayed by nothing. I can't think or do anything. The deepest depths of me grasp at any distraction to keep it away from this empty black hole of emotions. I'm pulled and dragged by a sound, a note, every beat inside of me. I shake for fear of the nothing, it's a never ending story, you have no choice but to keep going. My heart has nowhere to turn. I'm stuck and I can't get out. I can't breath. I'm caught, danger lurks,  No one knows where. They feel it, no one knows why. Can no one breath? It is the most calming, deadly feeling in the world. I can't focus on anything. I must, I need to focus on everything. The world goes round and round about me, and I sit here. Not knowing how to breath, how to feel. My thoughts nag in my head but they can't be thought. I know they are there I just can't find them. I am watching everything spin and sway, pulling on me in every direction, so I can't go any direction. Music played, no one heard. Thoughts were thought no one cared.

I might not be able to talk but I can smile!

I have just begun to realize how much i love to smile! Some people try to tell me that we should be solemn in the presence of God, but that is not at all what it says in the bible! If you love someone you would be happy to be spending time with them, you can't just sit still and talk quietly! It's the same with our relationship with God, if we love him and his name we will rejoice and shout for joy... How can we not smile and laugh throughout our daily lives? If God is omnipresent then shouldn't we always be praising him and rejoicing in his amazing goodness and grace? 

Recently I went thru a phase of acting like Mary from pride and prejudice, I had to show I was mature by sitting quietly and saying things that I thought were sensible, but then I realized God has called us to be joyful and glad of his mercy. How could someone who wasn't a Christian want to change from their old life if all they have to turn to is a dry empty faith? I'm sorry this is so long maybe I should have put this in my blog but it's really something that has been put on my heart, that i need to grow in. I have always smiled and laughed a lot, but not in the Lord so much as because I was happy. I have a better reason to smile now,  my trust is in a much better place.

But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.

             -Psalm 5:11

The literary ball!

This Saturday was another ball! I always forget to take pictures and I'm sorry but here are a tiny few that I have. The first one is to show you my costume! Now with the literary ball we were supposed to go as your favorite book character... So I wanted to go as a pirate!  I made a pirate shirt and everything (which was way fun by the way)! But it was not to be... Firstly, i didnt want to go dancing at a ball in pants cause thats lame and i couldn't find any good pirate pants, next the day before the ball I began losing my voice, and so by the time of the ball I had just a squeak of it left. So I brainstormed trying to think of characters that had no voices, trying to make it comical (cause evidently that's the way I am). Drummmmmroll please.... I'm Ariel. Only because she had no voice. But some people pointed out that I also have almost the same exact costume as Anna from the new Disney movie frozen. So who knows? Maybe I was both.... All I know is I could barely talk and dancing was way fun :) Anyway here you are, more pictures. I hope you enjoy them and that I will someday convince you all that dancing is incredibly fun and that you CAN dance you scaredy cats.

Aren't they beautiful haha :) adieu!

Bilbo's Belated Birthday Ball

Sorry I couldn't get the Video but here's a few picture I got....

I was so sad I didn't get to go to this one, My friend did and I was soooooo Jealous.

Once upon a happy ending.

Some people think once they marry then they're all set and it's smooth sailing from there. They couldn't be more wrong! I believe guys are Initiators and they have to keep working at wooing the person the rest of they're lives. I think it's so romantic when an elder couple are still just as in love as they were when they married, and guess what? Half of the reason for this is because the man didn't slack off on his duty (yes, Duty) to woo his wife all over again, every single day!
And then there's the girls side, and honestly I haven't figured out exactly what us females are supposed to be doing. I've honestly never been in a relationship (yes and I intend to keep it that way until my husband is in existence) so I don't know what role I should take as a Wife, or Girlfriend in general. I'm hoping whom-ever I marry has an even more romantic viewing of life, I want a leader, and instigator, and honestly it's REALLY hard to find awesome godly Instigators in this little world of ours. Chivalry and such is Dying out and it's partially due to the fact the women want control of the home. Isn't it annoying men, when a girl you like tries to "begin" a relationship with you, She's stealing your rightful position as leader. I heard this saying it goes:
"A woman's largest temptation is to take control of everything, a Man's is to let her". It's true isn't it? But we can't let that happen that's just not how it's supposed to be, it just feels weird!

I am an odd human, to be sure. Some may call me old fashioned or eccentric, but honestly I entirely agree with them! I am old fashioned, I can't help it. And eccentric? Well I suppose that's just a matter of opinion. Either way my opinion of what a man ought to be is well founded you know it is! And I obviously agree with myself. Anyway, call me what you will but I won't change my mind for it....

Picnic At Pemberly

YEAH YEAH YEAH...... Sorry I just had to get that out of my system. There is a Pride and Prejudice ball coming up this Saturday and unutterably excited! It's Titled " A Picnic at Pemberly". I have made my brother a Mr. Darcy Costume which turned out very well (at least I'm quite pleased with it), But i couldn't find time to make myself a dress which is all right since I found a Formal-like blue/purple dress that I needed an excuse to buy. Well It's second hand so it was actually only $10 and it seems like it was tailored for me it fits so good, It's a Princess cut and it's satin I believe. I'm also hoping to make a Regency Bonnet to go with it. I've Convinced some of my fellow Church goers to come (mostly girls) and I'm super happy. It will be outside at a farm (same one they did the Hobbit Ball, I should post that video), and it will be a lunch type potluck. It starts at 3:00 and goes until 8:00. My entire family is planning on going, as of yesterday anyway. Yesterday some Home school friends ours invited us over (more like I begged them to let us come) to go thru the dances we will be dancing, It was so much fun and we're planning on doing it again this Friday. We're learning them now so when we get to the ball we don't look absolutely ridiculous. Also they are more complicated dances than I've danced before so it's a good opportunity to learn! Oh I think I could somehow procure the dance list, maybe someone in this big wide world someone else will know them too:

Apley House

Dashing White Sergeant

Fine Companions Waltz

The Introduction

Leather Lake House

Mr. Issac's Maggot

Physical Snob

The Rakes of Rochester

The Shrewsbury Lasses

Stockport Assembly

Tythe Pig

Wakefield Hunt

(Possibly Marie's wedding <3)

So far I've danced The Physical snob, Wakefield Hunt, and The Introduction. But I hope to learn more this Friday! I can't wait to have pictures and Video's to share, I love the feeling of going to a ball, it's excitement and almost as if I'm doing something that used to be normal and I feel connected, not to mention how much wonderful fun it is! It's funny a lot of the Home-schooled families go to find Husbands (or Wives) It's the perfect occasion to get to know someone but not be dating, because It's everyone together not just a two person waltz, or one on one but everyone working together to make something big and beautiful. As you can almost definitely see I cannot wait to be able to go, At not just for the food either.

    

                                                                                            -E.J.E.

Picture update :)

Only Tolerable?

"She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me."
                                                                     -Mr. Darcy.
 "Occupied in observing Mr. Bingley's attentions to her sister, Elizabeth was far from suspecting that she was herself becoming an object of some interest in the eyes of his friend. Mr. Darcy had at first scarcely allowed her to be pretty; he had looked at her without admiration at the ball; and when they next met, he looked at her only to criticise. But no sooner had he made it clear to himself and his friends that she hardly had a good feature in her face, than he began to find it was rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes. To this discovery succeeded some others equally mortifying. Though he had detected with a critical eye more than one failure of perfect symmetry in her form, he was forced to acknowledge her figure to be light and pleasing; and in spite of his asserting that her manners were not those of the fashionable world, he was caught by their easy playfulness. Of this she was perfectly unaware; to her he was only the man who made himself agreeable nowhere, and who had not thought her handsome enough to dance with."
                                                                               -Pride and Prejudice
                                                                                            -Jane Austen